I'm trying to write my own novel and I could use some advice....?

I think if you refine it well enough it will work. But I hope you have a damn good ability to use imagery, because you're going to need it for this one. Based on this brief summary, I'd have to say that what the story needs is love. There needs to be some element of love, affection, an inescapable, unavoidable situation it which boy must save girl, you know? I think that you really have created a chance for yourself in that this could be a great work. Good luck!